Wednesday, September 15, 2010

My Review: Piranha

At first I was pissed that the theater that I went to didn't have this movie in 3D, but now that I've seen it I'm really glad that it didn't. If I saw this movie in 3D I probably would've pissed my pants. I'm already terrified of fish, so when you have carnivorous, sharp-toothed fish that attack in makes me more than a little nervous.
I give this movie props for starting out with a little homage to Jaws with Richard Dreyfuss fishing and singing "Show me the way to go home...I'm tired and I want to go to bed." Then, there is an earthquake which releases a bunch of piranha that end up biting poor Mr. Dreyfuss to death. So, eventually the sheriff, played by Elizabeth Shue realizes that the lake is infested with these piranha and decides to close the lake which is a big problem because its spring break and the lake is full of stupid college kids. So, as you can probably guess, I bunch of fish-related gore ensues. This movie has an excess of two things, the first being boobs, and the second being blood. Once those piranha start attacking the area with all of the college kids, it is one bloody mess. I have to give props to who ever did the make-up for this movie because all of the wounds looked absolutely disgusting and awesome. I probably would have been even more impressed if I wasn't having a damn panic attack the whole movie. I was literally sitting with my jacket wrapped around the bottom part of the face for the majority of it. Yuck yuck yuck I hate fish. This movie is basically my worst nightmare. I would rather be attacked by zombies and vampires then nasty ass fish. At least those things I can run away from. Fish have a huge advantage over people in the water, especially me, because I am not that great of a swimmer. Plus, with piranha, you won't even be able to see them coming, and once they're ready to attack you there's no way to stop them. So, yeah, as you can see this movie freaked me out. There was this one part that really pissed me off. This guy voluntarily jumped in the piranha infested water to save this girl. I'm just like, "NO!" I don't care how pretty Jessica Szohr is, if I was that guy I would just leave that girl to die because there is no way that I would ever go in that water. FUCK. THAT.
Anyways, this movie wasn't make to win any Oscars, but is still an enjoyable movie, nevertheless. It had a little suprise ending that will probably lead to a bunch of really shitty sequels featuring ginormous piranhas and more scantily clad college girls. My rating: 7/10

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