I had a huge break between classes in Wednesday so I decided to hop a bus downtown and go see a movie. I was either going to see Piranha 3D, The Last Exorcism, or Machete. As you can see, I chose Machete. This movie is one massively violent gorefest. Based on the fake movie trailer created for the Grindhouse double feature, it is a movie about a former federal agent (Danny Trejo) who gets hired to kill a Texas senator played by Robert DeNiro. As he soon finds out though, the man who hires him works for the senator and just wants him to get shot so that he can get reelected and build an electrified fence on the border of Mexico. So, he has a guy shoot Machete, then shoot the senator in the leg. Then the whole rest of the movie is about Machete trying to get even. Jessica Alba plays a police officer who works for Immigration, and Michelle Rodriguez plays a woman who works at a taco stand as a cover, but also runs "The Network," which is an organization that helps Mexican immigrants.
The story however, is pretty much irrelevent, becuase this is basically an exploitation movie meant to entertain with ultraviolence. Practically every scene has someone getting shot, stabbed, or dying some other violent death. There is one really neat scene where machete cuts open a guys stomach, grabs his intestines, and uses it as a rope when he jumps out the window and swings to the floor below. Probably the most disturbing part of this movie wasn't really a violent part, but a part where a naked girl pulls a cell phone out of her hoo-hoo.
Danny Trejo is great in this movie as the title character Machete, and its nice to see him have his own movie, since hes constantly playing bit parts. Machete is a perfect, tough guy role for him, and when you look like Danny Trejo, what other kinds of roles can you play? One major complaint about this movie that I have is that there are too many villians. You've got Jeff Fahey, Robert DeNiro, and Steven Seagal; all as bad guys. Also, this movie really could have done without Lindsay Lohan's character. I didn't really see the point of having her in this movie at all. You could've taken her completely out of the movie and it wouldn't have effected the plot at all. I also wish that they had more Michelle Rodriguez in this movie. Shes in the beginning, is gone for pretty much the entire middle, and then shows up again for the ending. Cheech Marin is great in his little cameo as Machete's brother/ padre, and Jessica Alba is pretty much just eye candy.
So....should you go see it? See it if you love gore/ action movies/ Jessica Alba's ass. Don't see it if you can't handle seeing a bunch of body parts getting chopped off by a guy with a machete. My rating: 7/10